


Sonder

by JemiCrisis



Series: Neoshots [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 08:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19696921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemiCrisis/pseuds/JemiCrisis
Summary: Sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.For Yuta, sonder was what made him so vulnerable, so terrified that he could be irrelevant in the lives of people he thinks of dearly. Especially Sicheng’s.





	Sonder

**Author's Note:**

> Saw a tweet about Yuta and WinWin, then this happened. Also, I realised that this doesn't really explicitly say that Yuta likes WinWin or the other way around, so you can look at this as if they're just friends.

The two of them were on the balcony, leaning on the railing and looking into the skyline of Seoul. The party inside continuing without them. It was just them and the city, with the muffled noises of the party as their background. But it was comfortable, they were used to it.

Sicheng broke the quiet first. “Yuta.” He turned his head to face Yuta.

“Sicheng.” Yuta continued to stare into the skyline. Seoul was beautiful in the night, how there was thousands, maybe even millions of people below them, living their own lives just as complex and intricate as their own. It made Yuta feel so insignificant, so much so that it would envelop him in a thick blanket of fear. Fear that everything would be taken away from him and no one would care.

“I have to tell you something.” The fear bubbling inside of him only grew violently. Those words never meant anything good.

“You know you can tell me anything, I’m all ears.”

“You know how I've graduated?”

“Yeah…” He nodded, how could Yuta not forget? Sicheng, a long-time friend of his, having just graduated was something important to him. Very important.

“Well… I’m moving back to China. My mother fell ill.”

“Oh.”

“I’m so sorry Yuta, I know how you wanted us to keep living together here in Korea…” Yuta did wish for that, he didn’t want to be left alone. He was terrified of it.

Terrified of being just nobody.

“It’s fine!” Yuta beamed at Sicheng, who returned with a smile almost as wide. It wasn’t fine. Yuta’s healing smile healed everyone but himself, it could only mask the disappointment. He tried not to dwell on the negatives. It wasn’t Sicheng’s fault he had to go, family was important, but Yuta couldn’t help but feel guilty when he had a disturbing thought…

_Why can’t I be more important?_

“Hey, Sicheng! Get in here! This’ll be your last party before you leave tomorrow right? Let’s get you wasted one last time!” Johnny, the host, had appeared onto the balcony. Clearly, he had quite a few drinks, he draped his arm around Sicheng’s shoulder. Sicheng was protesting as Johnny led him back inside, glancing back at Yuta before the balcony door shut behind them. Yuta hadn’t seen it, he had continued to stare into the skyline, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Johnny knew that Sicheng was leaving tomorrow, but Yuta didn’t.

_Sicheng… what am I to you?_

**Author's Note:**

> This is as painful to write as it is to read. Also, sorry that I wrote this instead of A Note for You, A Note for Me. Tough times make me feel angsty and the last thing it needs is a drowning amount of angst.


End file.
